she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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