So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
