$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
