Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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