i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
