I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
