How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
