Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
