Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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