I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
