Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Operation Purity has been aborted
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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