I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His nipple licking is glorious
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