He kissed a someone with a penis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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