I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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