I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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