The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
