mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
