cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
