Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
