RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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