it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
