he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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