hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
