dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
