i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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