I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
