I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
