I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
