We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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