His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
