Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
