Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
