I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
