I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
