We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
