What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
