dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
