also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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