Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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