god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
