I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
someone owes me an orgasm
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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