i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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