She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
