i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
