I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
