I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
