and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
