That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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