when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
