Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
