i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
